How Quietly We Sing, How Loudly We Whisper
by JustInunotaisho
Summary: How loudly we deny, how subtly we change. Handmaiden and Atton. I wrote this ages ago and let it sit for awhile. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

_How quietly we whisper, how loudly we sing._

"I never trusted you." An accusation.

"Big surprise." Indifference. Coupled with sarcasm. "It's not like you tried to hide it." The scoundrel chuckled.

Glaring at him, the Handmaiden clenched her double-bladed lightsaber.

Unconcerned by the animosity he felt from the woman behind him, Atton continued checking the controls of the _Ebon Hawk._ Out the viewport, hyperspace streaked past, an endless azure tunnel that danced hypnotically with unknown forces all around the ship.

"You don't seem all that sorry about killing Jedi." Her voice rose a fraction.

"Really."

Handmaiden's eyes narrowed further still. How dare he? How dare he sit there and brush his past off so easily? Her grip on her saber tightened, causing her hand to shudder. "You are no better than a Sith."

"Quite."

"And you – what?" Had he just agreed with her? "What?" she repeated, caught off guard.

Atton sighed and half turned, putting his arm on the seat back and looking up at her with steady eyes. "Look, I may not have been the Galaxy's Nicest Individual in my past, but that's just it. My past is in the past. What matters is the now."

"Do you expect me to believe that?" she snarled.

"Those aren't my words." Atton's gaze flickered to the saber in her hands. "They're from the guy who taught you how to use that thing. After all," he continued, meeting her eyes once more. "He'd know more about redemption than either of us…"

She didn't know what to say.

A/N: More will follow.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Almostinsane and Sarcasm Turtle, this chapter is for you. Thanks for reading and reviewing and adding alert. I hope that you like it.

"I live…" _Whum._ "In perpetual fear…" _Whummm._ "Of rejection." _Whum-whum._

"Will you be quiet?" The Handmaiden snapped, brushing a stray branch out of the way.

"Aw, come on. It's Jasko Fiz'ra. Don't you ever listen to the greatest singer in the galaxy?" Atton glanced back and snorted. "Oh, yeah. I forgot that you lived your whole life on an icy hill with some old hag drilling proverbs into your skull."

With great restraint, the Handmaiden ran a hand through her short silver hair. "Could you at least stop swinging the lightsaber about?"

"…I thought you wanted me to clear a path through."

"Then stop waving it in time to your singing. It's annoying."

Grinding his teeth, the scoundrel whirled to face her, starting to formulate a reply. Her gray eyes glared back, her shoulders set and ready for a fight. For a moment, all that could be heard were the sounds of the jungle moon as they scowled at each other in silence. Then, Atton looked down and realized his blue saber was still lit and her hand was on hers at her belt. _Women!_ he raged inwardly as he turned away and continued to hack a way through the dense brush.

For the next three minutes, both were silent. Handmaiden sighed, running over in her head what the Exile told them. In the Dxun forests near the Mandalorian camp, a zakheg had been sighted. Since the guard captain dubbed it worthy prey, prestige would go to the person who killed one.

Thus, Handmaiden was slogging through the jungle with a scoundrel who hummed badly and used his fighting sabers as synthesizers. When they at last found and killed the zakheg, the Exile was going to hear about this…

"Aha!" Atton cut away a large swath of growth and revealed a wide clearing. "Fancy a break in the Field of Dreams?"

Before she could reply, a roar sounded before them. Both gaped at the huge lizard-like creature that got to its feet on the other side of the clearing. Its head squashed back into its neck, making its large shoulders seem enormous. Sharp spines ran down its crimson skinned back and long tail. As the zakheg opened its mouth to roar again, Atton gulped at the sight of its many teeth.

Yet, it was not the spines, nor the teeth, nor the way it charged them that caused his jaw to drop. The sight of the Handmaiden bellowing an Echani warcry and sprinting to meet it drew that particular effect. For a moment, he couldn't move for the sheer absurdity of it.

Handmaiden and zakheg clashed, spurring the scoundrel to action. His blaster cleared holster and he snapped off a quick shot that impacted with the zakheg's eye.

"Watch it!" Unfortunately, the Handmaiden didn't appreciate the fact that the bolt missed her by two centimeters.

"Sorry!" yelled Atton, holstering his blaster and taking out his sabers. He leaped to her side and thrust both into the side of the zakheg, but the armored hide softened his stab. It bellowed and turned on him, tail lashing. The scoundrel dodged the zakeg's teeth and slashed its other eye out. Blinded, the beast backed up, moving its head this way and that. They saw its nostrils flare. It could still smell them.

Atton advanced, glancing up at an overhanging tree limb._ Now…let's see…_ Just as the zakheg lunged again, the scoundrel leaped up to the branch. Not intent on letting its prey escape, the lizard reared up on its hind legs, struggling to reach him. Just as Atton had hoped, Handmaiden dove in, driving her saber into its soft belly and slaying it.

"Well," mused the scoundrel, flicking off his sabers and stowing them at his belt before jumping down, "That was easy." He turned and swore aloud as he almost impaled himself on Handmaiden's blade. "What the-" his voice trailed off at the fury of her gaze.

"You, Atton Rand, are the biggest fool in the galaxy! You could have killed me!"

Atton raised his hands in a placating gesture. "Whoa, look! It was an accident, all right? Calm down!"

After a few seconds more of holding her lightsaber point near his torso, she turned to the corpse. "Be more careful next time." She began to slice off the ears.

"Geeze…you wouldn't have been in so much danger if you'd've stayed back."

"You should have known I was going to attack with my lightsaber!" she retorted.

"Well, _excuse_ me." Atton was rapidly becoming tired of her tone. "I usually work _alone_ and not with over-exuberant schuttas." The insult led to a backflip from the scoundrel as the Handmaiden swung her blade at him. He landed on a fallen tree, both his sabers in his hands once more, one high, one low, a mocking glint in his brown eyes. Driven by the scorn, Handmaiden charged him. This time when he jumped, she leaped with him and swung. Surprised, he still managed to counter the move. They landed, she swung again, he blocked, catching the blade on his two. He grunted as she pushed on the crossed sabers.

Through the force, past the aggression and anger she felt toward him, a thread leaped in warning. Just as she reversed her force and brought the other end of her saber up to cleave through his unprotected stomach, Atton backflipped again, catching her chin a glancing blow with one of his feet.

Fighting off the sparks in her vision, Handmaiden smelled dirt and jungle loam. She was lying on her stomach, one arm pinned behind her, one of Atton's knees in her back, and her own lightsaber deactivated but digging into her neck. She spat out a bit of grass, angry at her failure to control her temper. "Do it, Sith."

Her heart raced as the saber handle pressed further into her throat. He bent down until she could feel the warmth of his breath on her ear.

"My past is past," he snarled. Then, the scoundrel arose and tugged her to her feet. Without another word, he strode off toward the Mandalorian camp.

A/N: Doesn't make much sense, does it? Oh well. It might look better from the last chapter...


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Many thanks to qt3.14159, Sarcasm Turtle (my favorite cousin to Awkward Turtle, by the way), and almostinsane (make up your mind already - once you crack, you never go back and it's great to be nuts! :D) for reviewing. New chapter, oneshot, don't own anybody, oocness and heavy guessing about the Echani, but it seems only natural for them to think that...anyway, enjoy.

"Errands, errands, and more errands." Complaints. As usual. The Handmaiden didn't tell him to shut up. Unusual. Atton remained on guard, shooting a glance in her direction when she wasn't looking.

Ever since their confrontation on Dxun, she hadn't said a word to him. In fact, not many to any of the others either. HK-47 reported, after his usual security patrols around the _'Hawk_, that she spent hours in the cargo hold. Normally, this was expected, since she was a training fanatic. However, the assassin droid went on to say that she spent most of her time sitting there, staring at nothing.

Unusual.

Atton suppressed a sigh. Their present mission was to find the Serreco leader in the Nar Shaddaa Refugee Sector and secure his promise, by petition or default, that he would stop oppressing the refugees. The scoundrel didn't particularly care for the "by default" possibility. As they walked down the labyrinthine corridors toward the Serreco part of the docking bay, he patted his pockets, comforted by the feel of his hidden weapons. "I really don't like this…" he muttered.

The lack of the Handmaiden's reply made him look over and realize she had stopped a few feet behind. The expression on her face was reminiscent of one who has just witnessed a hutt announce his desire to donate his wealth to the Nar Shaddaa Orphan's Fund and live a life of humble poverty. "What's wrong?"

She simply continued staring at him.

Irritated, he shrugged and continued down the hall.

Handmaiden followed, surprise still evident on her face. She watched as he breezed up to the blaster rifle-toting guard and asked to speak to his boss.

The guard glared at him. "This is Serrreco territory. What business do you have here?"

"Relax, I know the secret handshake." Atton grabbed his free hand.

"What secret – Ah…" The guard straightened and subtly examined the credit chip the scoundrel slipped him. "Hurry up and take care of your business."

"Thanks." Atton turned to Handmaiden as they entered the bay. "So what's with the surprised look? Did I miss a spot shaving?"

"You said you knew the ways of Echani combat."

"Yeah. So what?"

"One of the greatest lessons of the Echani is never hint at the location of your concealed weapons and yet you did before we passed the guard."

"He didn't notice."

"But _I _did…"

"What are you – obsessive compulsive?"

"No…"

After they completed the Serreco mission and returned to the ship, Atton happened to pass the cargo hold. On the floor, a datapad lay, one file still open. His curiosity piqued, he read it. "_Echani Code Rule #37: Unless a warrior is in non-hostile and familiar company, i.e. close friends or relatives, he must never confirm the locations of his various weapons on his person._


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks to RogueDragon and Nebulon and Mandalore18 for their reviews. Enjoy the latest, oldies and newbies!**

"This has to be against the Jedi code or something." A wisecrack. One that the Handmaiden secretly welcomed in their current situation. "I mean, I hardly expect some decrepit Jedi a thousand years ago built the first lightsaber to use as a flashlight."

"Atton, hush and stay still. I have not finished."

The scoundrel grimaced as she applied the kolto from the medpac to the long gash in his shoulder. In his other hand, he held one of his sabers to give her light. He watched as her nimble fingers smoothed the kolto patch across the wound gently, her grey eyes fixed on her task. Atton never noticed how deep her eyes were until he looked up close. True, he'd seen them lit with fury and often rolling in annoyance, but now as she tended his wounds, they softened.

Speaking of soft…

He dropped his eyes to her full lips, roseate and rich as the sunset on Tatooine. As she worked, the Handmaiden bit her lower one in concentration.

…why did he suddenly find himself envying her teeth?

To take his mind off the feeling, Atton cast about for something else to comment on. "So…how does it feel to have been away from Telos and the academy for so long?" Mentally, he slapped a hand to his head. _Oh, well done, Rand. Great conversation topic, there._

However, the Handmaiden didn't seem to mind, finishing and sitting down next to him, back against the wall. "Different…and interesting," she admitted. "It…feels better to be out and doing good in the galaxy than waiting for it to change on its own."

"Any regrets?"

She gave him a sharp glance, found him serious, and looked away. "About becoming a Jedi and breaking my vow?"

"What else?"

"No."

Atton realized she was revealing more than she normally did and felt an odd sense of privilege that she said it to him. "You still aren't happy, though, right?" he pressed, quirking a brow.

"No. I…still feel…" her voice trailed off as she struggled to find the right words. "…restrained. There seems to be something still holding me back. Perhaps it is the remnants of the promise. I do not know."

"Restrained, huh?" _Geeze, how do I get myself into these conversations…_ Eyes wandering to her hair, Atton squinted in thought. "If you want to be less restrained, I have a suggestion."

Surprisingly, she liked it.

One month later, the Exile asked her if she was growing her hair out. The resulting pink tinge on her cheeks coupled with the way her eyes flicked toward Atton, then back again was highly suspicious.


End file.
